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People only see who I am today — the projects I handle, the systems I design, the confidence I carry when talking about AWS, Docker, or Laravel. But very few know the struggles behind the scenes. What they don’t see is the silent battle I fought to become this version of myself. I was judged. A lot. Especially after my SPM results. I didn’t score well, and many around me were quick to write me off. Some said I wouldn’t make it. Others subtly lowered their expectations of me. I could feel it. But deep down, I knew one thing: grades will not define my future. The Lost Years: University & COVID Lockdown My university journey started off pretty badly. From Semester 1 to 4, all classes were online due to the COVID-19 lockdown in Malaysia. And I wasn’t exactly the ideal student. I spent most of my time playing games, zoning out in Zoom classes, my mic off, camera off, and mind elsewhere. Those years felt like a blur. I was present physically (well, virtually), but mentally checked out. I didn’t take anything seriously. I didn’t know what I wanted to do. I was just going with the flow. Something Clicked By the time I hit Semester 5, something inside me changed. Maybe it was fear. Maybe it was maturity. Or maybe it was just a whisper from within saying, “It’s time to get real.” I began teaching myself everything I could. I picked up Laravel. I started learning how APIs work. I didn’t have a proper guide, no personal tutor — it was all trial and error, Stack Overflow, YouTube videos, and documentation. Then came my Final Year Project. I decided to do it all by myself, from scratch. I handled the entire backend on my own, applying everything I had learned. It wasn’t easy. But the more I built, the more I loved it. The Decision That Changed My Life Then came the internship. This was the real turning point. I was lucky to join a company where I met the people who would shape me into who I am today. My HOD wasn’t even my direct manager. I had a manager(my manager was a caring guy man was always comforting me when i was blowing up the production systems haha), but the HOD — he was the person I looked up to. He knew everything about the systems in the company. And while most juniors and even some seniors were afraid to approach him, I didn’t hesitate. As an intern, I asked him questions constantly. During working hours, during breaks, during lunch — I didn’t care. I just wanted to learn. I would wait for him to finish work just so I could walk out with him and ask him more questions. I worked over 10 hours a day not because I had to, but because I wanted to absorb as much as I could from him before heading home. He taught me everything: how to debug, how to write clean and scalable code, how to think in terms of architecture, how to design systems. He introduced me to Docker and helped me build the mindset of an engineer. I owe a lot of who I am to him. I also worked with a senior AWS SysAdmin who became more like a big brother to me. He took my basic AWS knowledge and elevated it — far beyond EC2s, IAM, S3, or VPCs. We didn’t just talk shop — we talked about life, mindset, and direction. He treated me with genuine respect, even though I was just an intern, and that made all the difference. He encouraged me to stay curious, to always ask why, and to think beyond the tech. He taught me what it meant to build systems that live in the real world — reliable, scalable, and secure. Our conversations shaped the way I see technology and life. The wisdom he shared still guides me today. Along the way, I made some great friends at the office too. They aren’t just colleagues — they’re like brothers to me. We support each other, joke around, share ideas, and sometimes vent about hard days. They made the workplace feel like a second home. Then came my directors — people who believed in me, who gave me the chance to try, fail, and learn. They didn’t micromanage. They trusted. And that trust gave me confidence. One of the directors even taught me something incredibly valuable: ISO 8583. He patiently explained how card payment systems work, including the EMV tags, the structure of the message, and how terminal devices initiate payment requests. Thanks to him, I didn’t just understand the basics — I learned how to build and support card payment systems. That’s a high-value skill set that not many can claim to master, and I’m proud to say I can now confidently handle card transaction logic end-to-end. I also got to work closely with some senior managers — especially one who always shared with me the latest technologies he explored. Despite the difference in our positions, he never made it feel like a gap. Talking with him felt like talking to a friend. We’d exchange ideas, tools, and concepts regularly. That mutual exchange of learning was something I truly appreciated. And just when I thought I’d seen it all, a lead engineer joined us. This guy? He was a game-changer. He taught me Terraform, explained Infrastructure as Code like no one else could. He didn’t just teach me commands; he taught me philosophy. Why we use IaC. How to think about environments, security, scalability. He shared so much knowledge that I still process it in pieces to this day. He reminded me of the type of mentor I hope to become one day — someone who shares, supports, and uplifts. Man he was like a big bro to me.. Who I Am Now Fast forward to now. I’m not the same guy who zoned out in online classes. I’m not the same kid who failed to meet expectations in school. I’ve become someone who builds. Who creates. Who teaches. I can walk into a technical discussion and confidently contribute. I understand backend architecture deeply. I can spin up environments using Infrastructure as Code. I can break down complex payment flows and explain them clearly. I’ve touched almost every layer — from writing API endpoints, to configuring CI/CD pipelines, to provisioning infrastructure with Terraform. I’ve become the guy others come to for help. The one who dives deep, who stays late to debug the final edge case, who documents what he learns so the next person doesn’t struggle. And beyond the tech, I’ve matured emotionally. I value mentorship, and I try to pass down whatever knowledge I gain. I’m more patient. More analytical. I think before I react. I ask questions before making assumptions. I’ve learned how to collaborate, how to speak up in meetings, how to take feedback constructively. I’ve gone from being the intern who stayed late just to ask one more question… to becoming someone others now look to for answers. Today: I can design and build production-ready microservices. I can create containerized systems using Docker. I use Terraform to provision and manage infrastructure. I understand how card terminals initiate payments, and I’ve even built a system to handle it end-to-end. I can architect systems from scratch ( you all have no ideas how many systems i have setup-ed). Final Thoughts: Don’t Let Anyone Define You If there’s one thing I want to say to anyone out there who feels lost, judged, or underestimated: Don’t let anyone define your story but you. Not grades. Not what people say. Not even your past self. You can always evolve. You can always learn. You can always become better. I did. And I’m just getting started. — Puvaan Raaj